Last night’s Glee was a weird one. And by ‘weird’ I mean not fun to watch with parents. Every season has an awkward episode and I think this was Season 5′s. The episode had three topics: STDs, doing the deed, and weight issues. Overall, I didn’t love the episode. It wasn’t the best. I mean, they were relevant topics, to some extent, but they weren’t fun to watch. The music wasn’t anything amazing, either. So I have to give ‘Tested’ a 2 out of 5. Here’s what went down:
It starts weirdly, with a little fake commercial staring Blaine, Kurt, Sam and Artie dressed as old-timey sailors. The commercial is in black and white and advertises the importance of getting tested for STDs.
In a voice over, Blaine, for the five hundredth time, expresses his love for New York. But what he really loves is the awesome New York food. Yes, Blaine’s an eater and we see him enjoying a variety of food. But that comes at a price: Blaine’s getting ‘fat’….well, he’s got a tummy, you know? Also, his pants have split. So while Kurt is working out and keeping fit, Blaine’s stuffing his face with junk food. But really, Blaine is not fat.
Highchool Artie may not have been the definition of popular, but New York Artie is. Artie, also in a voice over, says that not only do people respect him at school, but he’s got girls. Three of them, actually. Vanessa, a redheaded girl, Jessica, a rocker chick with coloured hair, but Artie’s got eyes for a cute simple girl named Julie, with a bob cut. As Julie is doing a test narration for Artie’s film, Artie sings ‘Addicted To Love’ and in it we see him and the other two girls having fun on dates. Who would have thought that little adorable Artie with only 10 Facebook friends would move to NYC and be a player. :P After the song, which is all in his head, he asks out Julie, but she says that she doesn’t want to date anyone she’s working with.
Kurt and Blaine are in Combat Class (yes, it’s a real class apparently….or maybe it’s just a special week long training thing IDK.. either way there is gladiator equipment and it looks cool). While Kurt is all muscles and fit bod, Blaine is at the side of the room literally stuffing his face with Cheetos. Blaine recognizes that he’s jealous of Kurt’s new strength considering Kurt used to be the delicate one in highschool and Blaine was the fight club boxer guy. The winds of change have sure blown.
At Mercedes’ place, she and Sam are making out and as things get heated, she decides that now is the perfect time to have The Talk. While we all know that Sam lost the V-card during his time as a stripper, but Mercedes hasn’t. And she tells Sam that she’s not ready to just yet. Sam says that it’s okay and they’ll go at her pace, but he doesn’t look pleased with this.
Mercedes decision to wait a bit prompts Sam to bring up the topic of STDs with the guys, as they all have dessert at a café thing. The guys all support him and agree to take the test too, just because. Also on this date thing, Blaine orders Kurt a really yummy looking frozen hot chocolate thing. So instead of trying to cut his eating habit, Blaine has decided to try to get Kurt fatter too. Not a good move, Blainers.
Though we don’t see the guys take the STD test, we do find out that they’re all clear….except Artie. The doctor calls him in again and says that he has chlamydia. It’s treatable, but Artie is shocked. At the loft, he tells the guys and they’re pretty shocked too. Most upset about it is Sam. He starts calling out Artie for getting it, but clearly Sam’s past as a freaking stripper isn’t coming to mind. At least Artie knew the girls he was with. Remember in S4 when Ryder told ND his secret and Sam laughed it off? Well, this is like that and my tolerance for Sam at this point was low. Sam was just bugging me all episode. Kurt said that Artie needs to at least tell the girl he’s been with, but Artie lets it slip that there is more than one girl, and furthermore, he isn’t ever using a condom, which is another bad move on his part. :/
But Artie mans up and tells the girls the next day at school. Vanessa flips out and gets really mad and technically breaks up with him. In contrast to her reaction, Jessica is totally chill with it and takes it perfectly fine, which is kind of amusing. Just then, Julie comes up and tells Artie that she’s thought about it and has decided that she wants to go out with him. Artie tries to be happy, but it’s clear he isn’t.
Samcedes are all dressed up and are at a church. Before they go in, Sam shows Mercedes the paper that says he’s free from all STDs, because in Sam’s warped mind, he thinks that’ll lead to the two of them doing the deed. So Mercedes, during the mass, sings ‘I Wanna Know What Love Is’ and she sings it directly to Sam, to show that there’s more to love than that. The song works well with the plot, and Mercedes sings it awesomely. :)
In another Combat Class, Kurt is so confident in his body that he goes as far to take off his shirt. But he knows that his confidence may be taking a toll on Blaine, who is stressed out a bit because of a new school and new city and new life (though we as viewers haven’t seen any stress…?). Later that night, Kurt suggests that he and Blaine go out on a date: dinner and a movie. Blaine says he’s already making dinner, and when he tells Kurt what it is, Kurt says it’s a lot of food. Kurt suggests a lighter option, and Blaine agrees. But when Kurt grabs Blaine’s laptop to check movie times, he’s rather surprised to see what the first screen is. Porn. Kurt gets flustered and asks Blaine about it, but Blaine’s can’t really provide a good explanation and frankly, Kurt doesn’t want to hear anything, so Kurt just leaves.
At the loft, Mercedes and Rachel are talking. Mercedes take their moment alone to ask Rachel about her first time with Finn. Mercedes expresses her worries about doing it with Sam, who’s experienced, and wonders if she’s ready. Rachel says that no one knows when they’re totally 100% ready, but she is sure that Sam’s a good guy and when and if Mercedes decides she’s ready, it’ll be okay. Kind of ironic that Rachel is now dishing advice on this when she had to ask all the ND girls the same question back in S3.
In class again, Kurt and Blaine still aren’t on great terms. Blaine tries to talk about it (jeeze, Blaine, stop trying to talk to Kurt in the middle of class) but Kurt doesn’t want to talk. Instead, in true Glee spirit, they sing. Pat Benatar’s ‘Love Is A Battlefield’ is the song, and it was interesting to see them sing and play around with shields and sword things. An interesting song for them, as it’s like nothing they’ve sang together before, but it wasn’t bad at all. As the song ends, they begin fencing against each other and Blaine starts going at it too fiercely, so Kurt ups his game too, and wins, which angers Blaine.
At the diner, Kurt is working, but this scene is about Samcedes and Artie/Julie. Sam and Mercedes are on a date but Sam seems to be going out of his way to make the night special. Mercedes tries to make sure that he’s not doing it to try to get a little something-something later on, but he insists it isn’t. He says he just wants to show her how much he loves her by any means how. Jump over to Artie and Julie, who are also on a date. Artie is still paranoid about the chlamydia thing and starts hearing everything as STD related terms, which is kind of amusing but kind of cliché as well. Finally, his paranoia takes over and he tells Julie that under no circumstances can they hook up in the next 10 days. But this is their first date, and a statement like that kind of creeps Julie out. That leads to Artie and Mercedes singing ‘Lets Wait Awhile’ outside as the couples walk around. Not the best song of the episode, but it works with the plot.
Later on, or the next day, Mercedes is at the church praying. Jump over a few hours to when she and Sam are making out again. Again it gets heated and this time, when Mercedes stops it, she’s come to a decision. She’s decided to wait until marriage. I’m glad that at least one character on Glee is doing that, because so far, no one has. Mercedes explains that she’s sure of this choice and it’ll make her feel right. Good for you, Mercedes! And when a good boyfriend should be supportive about this, Sam is not. He is not happy with this because he knows that they won’t be married any time soon. He asks for some time to think it over. What’s to think over Sam? Are you going to dump her for that? Don’t you love her? This is another example of how Sam was annoying me in the episode.
As for Klaine, they have some stuff to deal with. Kurt arrives at the loft and finds a sad Blaine. Blaine explains that there’s essentially been a shift in power. He loved being the hero for Kurt when Kurt first came to Dalton and needed help with bullies, but now Kurt is fine on his own and Blaine’s useless. What’s more is that he feels insecure and fears that one day, Kurt’ll change so much that he won’t love Blaine anymore. The anger is gone from Kurt’s eyes now and although Kurt says he’s not sorry for being delicate anymore, he says that he’ll never judge or stop loving Blaine. They hug and Blaine cries into his shoulder. Okay, I have mixed feelings about this. As much as I don’t want to minimize eating disorders or insecurities or stuff like that, I do think that Blaine is being a bit silly. I mean, is he really upset that Kurt isn’t weak anymore? And if he is, is eating going to help that? Blaine trying to secretly fatten up Kurt isn’t going to solve the problem. What Blaine needs is self control and a workout routine. IDK, I just feel like this was just a silly storyline for them…..
Artie decides to tell Julie the truth about his chlamydia and why he was acting to odd on their date. He tells her who the other two girls were as well. And that’s what seals the deal for Julie. She isn’t mad about the chlamydia, she’s mad that he slept with Vanessa and Jessica because apparently, those two girls are incredibly stupid. Julie is so upset by this that she says that Artie basically lost his chance with her. Unfortunate really, because Julie seemed nice and not too weird. Oh, and I guess Artie and Kitty are really over. That was never addressed at all, sadly. I should have been.
Well, Sam’s done some thinking and has come up with his decision about Mercedes. He sets up all these pretty candles for when she comes home, and when she does, he has this really nice speech ready about how although doing the deed is awesome, he can live without it, but he can’t live without her. Then they kiss. This is the once instance in the episode where Sam doesn’t annoy me. He made the right choice in my opinion. :) Long live Samcedes!
Later, Mercedes and Rachel are talking again. Rachel’s taken the backseat in this episode, but she gets the focus in this scene. Mercedes asks if Rachel is ever going to date again. Mercedes thinks she should try at least, as there are plenty of nice guys in New York. Rachel doesn’t seem too up for it, and naturally so. I’m glad Finn is being mentioned again, and I’m glad that Rachel’s friends are still trying to help her out. Rachel says she’ll try dating again when she’s ready, she just isn’t right then. I wrote a post about Rachel’s future love life a while back, that you should read if you haven’t! I’m just glad to see Mercedes being such a good friend. <3
The last scene is the guys having another dude’s date thing. Blaine is on a new healthy diet, which is great, and Kurt is totally supportive. As for Artie, he says that he understands what Julie felt when he told her and he’s decided to lay off the girl game for a while. The episode ends with Sam suggesting they start a NYC abstinence club, but everyone else totally disagreeing with the idea. XD
Overall, the episode was weak. It was preachy and not about topics that I think were the best. I mean, Blaine should not have body issues. What brought this on, I’d really like to know. And while Sam and Mercedes conversations were needed, were they really needed one episode after they officially started dating? Furthermore, Sam really annoyed me for most of the episode. Him getting mad at Artie wasn’t going to get rid of the chlamydia. And pressuring Mercedes wasn’t going to get him what he wants. IDK what was going on in Sam’s mind, but I didn’t like it. But I still do like Sam as a character, don’t get me wrong. Just not this episode…. So far, the New York episodes have been getting worse, in my opinion, so I hope that turns around.
Next week is episode 5×17. It’s called ‘Opening Night’…any guesses as to why? If you guessed Funny Girl, then you’re right! It’s time for Rachel’s big Broadway debut! Here’s the promo:
Some old friends are back! Will, Sue, Tina and Santana are all back to support Rachel…well, I don’t think Sue will do much supporting, but that’s Sue. Oh, it looks like Diva Rachel will be back. I really don’t want to see that, but I suppose it’s somewhat more understandable now. I hope this episode is good and I hope that Rachel’s show is great. The last thing she needs is a flop show.
So what do you think? Did you like ‘Tested’? Did you find the episode as useless as I found it? Tell meeeee!
That’s all Gleeks! Have a good day! :D